1) "I will tell Daddy that I am getting him a glass of water! But really, I'll get him a coffee - then I'll spill it down the front of his shirt!" (hahaha, I like this one best. I had to remind him that coffee is hot and we are only trying to trick Dad, not hurt him. Not badly, anyway.)
2) "I will put purple food coloring in the potty and then Daddy will think his pee is purple - this will surprise him!"
Sweet Jesus, Purple Pee is real and, unsurprisingly,
can be a very bad sign. Excellent, this fits our plans perfectly.
3) "I will throw wet socks at Daddy when he is sleeping!" (This gets worse the more you think about it)
4) "You should change Daddy's lunch into just a bag of uncooked rice!" (I am actually going to do this next time Jerko angers me, which should be any day now. Thanks for the tip Kiddo!)
5) "Our team is going to win Mom - Daddy only has the baby and she can't even talk that much."
That's true son, but she's reading this, while you're still on
"Go, Dog, Go".
"Go, Dog, Go".
She may actually prove to be a cunning adversary!"
Oh, Dad is in for a day of unrelenting shenanigans, I tell you. This is how I expect him to look at the end of the day
"Damn family may take my sense of security
but they'll never take my dignity!"
but they'll never take my dignity!"
Embarrassing Moment Number 845
Our Dryer was recently on the fritz and I had to call a repairman. He was a nice, quiet man and had it fixed in about a half hour. I was quite pleased. Here is our conversation as he left:
Me: That was quick! What was the matter?
Him: Oh, there was some lint build up and the exhaust wasn't working properly.
Me: Oh? I clean the Lint Trap every time, what would cause that to happen?
Him: Well, things sometimes get caught in there...there's a wire on top of your dryer.
Me: (confused) Oh...you put it there? What do I do with it?
Him: Um...it was blocking the exhaust.
Me: Ok...what do I do about it now? I plug it in somewhere?
Him: (avoiding eye contact) No...it was, uh, from an article of your clothing...
Me: (Giant Embarrassed Smile) Great! Thanks for finding it!
I don't know why I said that last part. It was very awkward.
Moving Along: I have seen a bunch of good movies lately - the best being Moon. I forget the name of the actor right now, Sam Something, but he was great. The movie made me sad and thinky, which is one of my favorite ways to be. If you have seen it, I'd love to hear your thoughts on it. Also, I saw Dead Snow - it was hilarious and gory, so I loved it. Naturally. Plus it was made in Norway which is my Fantasy Country. I also saw Drag Me to Hell, funny and gross! When the old lady sucks on her face! Awesome! When she splurts blood all over her boss and he is all "Ew, stop it!" Hahaha!
Falen is having a contest! You have to write a 750 word story to win - go to her page and check it out! I am competing against a bunch of actual writers so, I am hoping to be gross/disturbing and/or funny enough to win 3rd! Moleskin is involved! Isn't that a repulsive word? Mole is gross enough on its own and then add skin, another yucky word and well, there you have it. MOLE-SKIN. *shivers*
I am so sorry about the pic I am about to post. Stop looking if you have just eaten or enjoy life in any way.
For God's Sake, Grandpa! That thing needs its own walker!
What's it going to take to get you to go the doctor?
Again, I apologize.
Werd. that WAS an embarrassing moment. hahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteOh, and your happy little owl is in the mail :)
Rockwell! Sam Rockwell - he's one of my favourite actors! I haven't seen Moon yet, but I'm dying to. I wanted to see it in the summer at the theatre, but kept missing it. Boourns. And for pranking your husband a good fake pregnancy always does the trick! A friend of mine did that to her husband last year, she just got a cheapo pregnancy test that gives one line or two kind of thing as a response - something nice and vague so he can't figure it out. She thought it was hilarious. She wanted me to pull the same trick on my darling husband, but it would have been too mean because he would have been all excited, not scared. I like the uncooked rice thing though - I might have to try that one too!
ReplyDeleteWow, that's crazy, my brother-in-law was just telling me about "Moon" and now here you are doing the same, and before Sunday I'd never even heard of it.
ReplyDeleteIt good's to read that your son is following in your diabolical footsteps.
So is the Mother/Son vs. Father/Daughter Foolin' Competition an annual thing, or do you guys change up teams each year?
I am actually going to do this next time Jerko angers me
I'd think by now he'd know better than to anger you. Heck, *I* don't want to anger you for fear of waking up to a facefull of wet socks one morning... ;)
Excellence! Why have I not been planning like this? The most devious of my offspring (the male of the two, of course) went a little April Fool's crazy last year (as in the holiday lasted about three weeks in our house), so I bet he'll be all over this like gravy on the front of my shirt. Okay, all of my shirts.
ReplyDeleteI'll keep you updated as to his suggestions. And hey, if you can manage to record Dad's reaction(s), I'd wager it would make a terrific 1st blog video...
word verification: hergh - the sound I made when I saw that horrible, horrible dermatological nightmare at the end of this post.
@Sonshine - Yay! I can't wait for him to join our Creepy Owl Family :D
ReplyDelete@Ashlie - Yes! He was fantastic in the movie. It is pretty much just him and yet it was thoroughly engrossing. And not in a crappy "Castaway" sense, where you are just waiting there like a lobotomy patient for an hour. The pregnancy trick would go the same way over here - it would be crushingly cruel instead of terrifyingly funny.
@Teebore - I loved it! I am on big Creepy Space kick though. I also watched Solaris and I am going to rent Sunlight. Solaris was good but I can't wait to get my hands on the book - as it is supposed to actually explain just what the hell is going on. There is no book for Moon, which sucks, it would be amazing. This is our first year of April Fools...though I sense I may be getting double-crossed as last night Dad tucked him in and when I came in to give the Kid a kiss he blurts out "Dad and I weren't talking about anything mom! Not even about April Fools!" I think Jerko delights in making me annoyed - I get madder and he gets gigglier. It's the size descpency that makes him ffel safe which is why I have to resort to things like wet socks to the face whil he sleeps :D
And she keeps typing! Do you remember a talk we had about farts? About a Famous Farting Man? I sure hope you do, because I found a link for you: http://www.johnbarber.com/pujol.html
@Joshua - "Okay, all of my shirts." Hahaha! I know, we have talked about this more than we did Christmas - this is truly a holiday for the Little Schemers in our lives. Yes, let me know what he come up with, it is bound to be entertaining and revealing :D
ugh. i really really wish i hadn't looked at that pic. Blegh.
ReplyDeleteAlso, this is the april fools joke we'd always pull on my dad as children.
Being that he made his own coffee in the morning, we exchanged the sugar with salt. Voila, salt coffee.
Of course, after the first year, he grew to expect it, but he always pretended that he forgot and dutifully drank his salty coffee.
Or, if he uses bar soap, a clear nail polish coating with make it so it no longer lathers
that picture is so gross!! it reminds me of "Uncle Buck".
ReplyDeleteI have been wanting to see Moon for months now...still haven't but now with a J.C. (not Jesus) recommendation, I will rush to see it.
I don't like pranks played on me so I play pranks on no one. I hate surprises, happy or otherwise. And my way out of receiving sad surprises is stay out of it. I will just laugh quietly in the corner.
I'm so glad you finally saw Drag Me to Hell!! Isn't it delightful?! I annoyed all my neighbors with loud laughter and snorts, they thought there was a crazy laughing pig running through my apartment.
"You triiicked meee, you blackhearted whoooooore!!"
Oh, that's awesome. Farts make me giggle.
ReplyDeleteTo fart for a living? Dare to dream. Dare to dream...
Have you ever seen the Episode of Family Guy where Chris has a ginormous zit, and it talks to him, and makes him do bad stuff—including spray painting, "That's enough, John Mayer" on the wall? (LOL on the John Mayer joke, too. Because seriously, that is enough, John Mayer! And that was before the whole sexual napalm thing! Oh brother!)
ReplyDeleteBecause that's what the mole made me think of—I bet it talks to that lady (man?). LOL
Good luck on April Fool's day. You'll have to post about what trick you finally decided upon, and how it went over!
Well Falen stole my April Fools story. Thanks a lot B.
ReplyDeleteIf you didn't share a bed i'm always a fan of the short sheeting.
Also, if you can make sure he'll be the first one to use the kitchen sink, i've always liked the ol' rubber band around the spray nozzle. but for the love of god, DO NOT forget that you put it on there and spray yourself by mistake!
That mole has gots to be cancerous.
Or a parasitic twin. Which is probably one of the most horrific things EVER!
@ ashlie- i thought i was the only one who said 'Boourns'. YAY!
I had to remind him that coffee is hot and we are only trying to trick Dad, not hurt him.
ReplyDeleteGosh, Joan, I'm seeing a whole new side of you.
I saw Moon last summer and really liked it. Click here for my blogpost. It's spoiler-free, but there's so much neat stuff in the movie to discuss; I hope that when you-all see it we can pick someone's comments section and talk about it. 8^)
ReplyDeleteNo...it was, uh, from an article of your clothing...
ReplyDeleteSo you have, like, electronic sweatpants or something?
You do realize that your son will one day be a teenager and he'll revisit this all back on you a hundred fold? I speak from a place you will one day find yourself, unless of course he finds a way to skip adolescence.
ReplyDeleteAnd the tennis balls kill me.
The mole was bad, but Dumpy Old Guy in Crash Helmet, Leopard-Print Thong, Tube Socks, and Ronald McDonald Shoes was worse.
ReplyDeleteVW: HoLac — Infant formula for the working girl.
@Falen - Ha! I know, I can't even look at the first mole pic. I giggle everytime at the walker one though :D
ReplyDeleteSalt coffee! That's going on the list!
@YFNP - Yeah, I loved Drag Me to Hell - it was so ridiculous in the best way possible. I love surprises! I don't even care what it is I am getting - as long as it has fancy paper and a bow, I am pleased!
@Teebore - I know, right?! I wish I had a cool/gross bodily function that I could make a living off of. Do you remember when kids used to "flip" their eyelids inside out? Ugh, it was all the rage in 3rd grade.
@Jenn- Yes, haha! I can't wait to post about April Fool's...unless this whole thing gets turned around on me. Then it will be the Post of Shame.
@Anne - I say Boourns too! It is rare when I have someone not furrow a brow at me about it.
@Blam - Gosh, Joan, I'm seeing a whole new side of you.
Are you kidding me? I'm the sweetest sweet pea that ever was ;)
So you have, like, electronic sweatpants or something?
No! It was from my headgear I have to wear with my retainer, pfft, obviously :)
@Melanie - Heheh, I am so glad someone else liked the tennis balls :D
@Blam - I know and I have no idea how I found that picture. I mean really, what is going on there?
Oh yeah, I remember kids that flipped their eyelids inside out. It both grossed me out and made me jealous that I couldn't do it.
ReplyDeleteAs far back as I can remember my mother put salt in the sugar bowl early every April 1st. Every year my sleepy-headed father scooped that "sugar" into his cup and gulped a mouthful of desperately needed coffee. Every year my mother cleaned coffee stains off the wall, chairs and floor.
ReplyDeleteYour husband is one day going to have such a laugh when he and your little child figure out the bestest and most mean of all April Fool jests - until then, I'd suggest maximum impact: coffee, socks and purple wee all in one go!
ReplyDeleteHey Joan! It's Awesome that soon will be Fool April Day! So interesting to read your son's advice, but...you don't think, that in the same time when you go to sleep, your Super son, speak with your husband about Fool Plan too!??? :)))
ReplyDeletewill be so Cool, if I will be right!
I don't watched this films yet, but now I already download it, from Net!
Joan, I like so much this little man on face! it remembered at me, grand -father from the cartoon "UP"!!! =)
Hope and already now feel, that your Fall day will be so happy and Amazing! hihihi...
@Teebore - Hehe, me too!
ReplyDelete@Jerry - Thanks for coming to my blog :D This salt for sugar thing is definetley going to be done this year!
@Prof P - I know, this thing has the potential to really come back on both of us!
@Jenea - Yay! Hi, Jenea :D The old man from "Up" - hahahaah! I hope your day is happy and amazing too:)
one year when I was a kid, we hid all the electrical stuff: microwave, record player Batamax, (it was the 80's after all,) under the stairs and told our mam that we had been burgled!
ReplyDeleteWatching her turn white was not funny...particularly as she was recovering from a heart attack at the time. (In my defence, I was only a kid.)After that we didn't try any more elaborate tricks...
@Paul - Yay! Long time no see, glad you're back :)
ReplyDelete(In my defence, I was only a kid.)
Ha! I used to love jumping out from behind corners to scare my dad. I had to stop when he banged his leg against the door and bruised his knee terribly. Man, it was a good time! Pretty soon your boy will be tormenting you!