Earthquake!

As you've heard we had a 5.0 earthquake on the 23rd! It was bewildering and I was completely discombobulated! I am in an area that experienced some of the worst of it and let me tell you, it sucked! I know people have suffered through much worse and there are parts of the world that have 5.0 fairly regularly but they just don't happen here. (Actually, they do all the time - but they're little and you don't feel them. The last Big One was in 1930 something and the one before that was in the 1700's.)


The following scene took place over an amazingly long 30 seconds


 The Baby was napping upstairs and the Kid and I were watching the Jungle Book on the couch:


*Strong rumbling begins*
Me: What is that?! Is that a bus!? (At this point I was pretty sure a bus was driving through our house, I stand up and head towards the window)
Kid: Maybe! Great! Good!
*House begins to forcefully slam around. Fans fall over, I hear some big bangs upstairs*
Me: Oh my God! Get outside! Now! NOW!
Kid: Why?! This is exciting! I like the bus!
*I run him out the back door*
Me: It's an earthquake! Go to the middle of the yard!
*Begins sprinting upstairs - house is still shaking a little*
Baby: Mama! Woah! *shakes her head back and forth*
Me: I know Baby, I'm here, let's go!
*I grab her in my arms and we fly outside*

And it was over. It was surreal, I was all pumped up by this impending doom and then I get out there and it is still and sunny. People are driving by in cars and some lady is prattling away happily on a cell phone while walking. I was ready for this:

 Now, Small Children, we'll see what you're really made of!

But nobody was running around flailing their arms, and while some cars had their alarms going off - not one of them was on fire. Pfft.
It was then that I was worried it was just our house and that our gas tank exploded or an oil reserve burst up through our basement or something. I walked with the kids around the house and finally see other people acting like something not normal just happened. It was a relief: Yes, my slightly panicked brethren - I too experienced it! Who here can mend wounds and who can make fire?  I think we can all agree that I will be in charge and while I will rule with a velvet glove - you will quickly come to know the iron fist inside of it! Then we all stood around and wondered what to do. Are the buildings safe? Are there going to be more earthquakes?

So far, so good!



Completely Unrelated: Occasionally, you are gifted with something so delightful you can't believe your luck. Sometimes, these things come to you by accident and it's like the light of God is shining directly on your face. This happened to me once in college when I was smoking in the bathroom. I was happily puffing away when suddenly, I heard voices. Distinct voices. The voice of someone who had been particularly unkind to me, actually. I was thrilled - my eyes grew wide and then shrunk into slits as I positioned myself to standing on the edge of the sink to hear better. Oh man, was it wonderful. I giggled to myself as I listened to their lies and lamentations. It was delicious. It was like finding a hundred dollar bill on the sidewalk - sure, you probably shouldn't take it - but hell, what are we, Amish?

 "...and I'm telling you, Jacob, I took that Benjamin like it was nobody's business!"

I was offered another wonderful gift a few weeks ago when I brought my son to the hospital (he had stepped on a piece of broken glass and I couldn't get it out with tweezers). We were waiting to get X-rays and he blurts out to the nurse "But I gotta poop - right now!" (He is such a boy - always having to poop at the most inconvenient times and not caring who knows it.) I take him down the hall to do his thing and right next to the washroom was the prayer room...and so I poked my head inside while I waited for him. It was a pleasant little space with Christian/Jewish/Muslim/Hindu things all about. There was also an altar with a book on it.

I take a look at the book and quickly ascertain that this is a prayer book - people had left their wishes and gratitude to their various gods and or The Universe. The book was open in a public place and so it wasn't exactly private but you are supposed to be a good enough person no to flip through and read their words. I thought I was.

But I wasn't.

Most of the entries are sweet and boring (which made me realize, sadly, what a bore it must be to hear confessions). I flipped a few pages and was ready to leave it when I came across 3 pages that were quite disturbing, really.  A person had scrawled diagonally across the pages (everyone else writes on the lines and only leaves a couple sentences, you know, like normal people) in this loopy, crazy-person scrawl. The entry started with DEAR JESUS and then a bunch of loopy indecipherable weirdness with the occasional clearly printed, SLUT and SEX and SINNERS and HELL and, my favorite, DEVIL WHORE throughout. It was unsettling in the extreme. It was also anonymous - was it a mental patient, a person playing a joke or was it a self-loathing Devil Whore?

The fact is, we'll never know. What we do know is that there are people out there who feel so strongly about Devil Whores that they need to tell JESUS about in a public forum. Sleep tight, agents!