"I Hope You Have Four Just Like You"

I was, as a child, what people referred to as "a handful". I was awesome. I was also crazy. I miss that feeling of standing on the edge of a cliff and leaning over just a little more. Twice I jumped off that cliff as a child.

Scene One:

Sunday morning - getting ready to go to church. Or "mass" - which I used to confuse with "Mask". As some of you children of the 80's will remember, Mask was a cartoon.

"We're going to Mask!? Yes!"


You can imagine my excitement!


So, here I am, aged 5, waiting for mom who is "putting her face on". I am hanging out by the hose on the side of the house, trying to spray the Barbies I had dismembered (that Nana had given me for Christmas) off the roof. Oh, how Nana cried about those Barbies.

But that's another story.

So, here I am, balls of steel and my mom comes around the corner - in full battledress. Hair, skirt, sensible sweater, makeup - the whole deal. And suddenly an idea hits me...*angels begin to sing*

I am going to spray this lady - NAY - I am going to hose her down. Yes, this may be the greatest thing I have ever done.

My mom, being psychic, stops dead in her tracks and says "Don't you dare..."

My pulse quickened - I might die today!

"Listen here, Little Girl, you do that and life as you know it will end -"

*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHH*

I had done it! Haha! All hail the brave one, the hero! I kept that stream on her all the way until she was in arm's reach and then, knowing that discretion was the better part of valor, ran for it!


In my defense, her outfit was totally inappropriate.

What a rush! What thrill - I assure you, you cannot find it through drink nor drug! Only through hosing down your mother before a major event can you reach this level of nirvana!

Afterward:
She caught me after maybe 4 paces. And told me "When I get you inside, I am going to paddle your butt so hard - it'll go up in flames and they're going to have to call the fire department to put it out!"

She was an old school mom, she had to be; I was a handful.